Priapic Pastimes and Deceptive Deodorants

So, the government of India has now banned a sexy deodorant commercial. This, barely qualifies as news. And the fact that I read this on BBC's South Asia website is testament to the complete lack of earth shattering events occurring in Asia after Osama bin Laden's (rather accidental) death. So now, we are treated to the blazing rhetoric of (really sad) government employees, which is passed off as breaking (rather questionable) news. Parenthetical interruptions aside, they really have taken the Wild Stone commercials off air..and increased the popularity of WS deodorants, and sales, by a massive percentage.

Which is brilliant!! These defenders of morality,so called bastions of Indian culture, basically have no other work to do than sit down in front of the TV all day long, and surf through those salacious channels (MTv, FTv, Vtv, and other devilspawned entertainment) looking for the least trace of nudity or other objectionable sexual content. So these idiots, who happen to be highly paid government servants (no surprises there), can lay down the line.

Whatever happened to rights here. The right to free speech, free broadcasting, most importantly, free FUCK. I mean for God's sake, people in India fuck. Like crazy bunnies on steroids. WE did not attain a population of 1.3 billion by sitting on our haunches and waiting for storks. And yes, deodorants are meant to attract women. NOT cows/ pigs/ rodents. So yes, if a deo company implies that using their product would help a man get lucky then, it is a sensible , albeit lascivious ad.

And while the people who enforce such bans think pheromone is a species of mountain gorilla, and are busy trying to find which finger is lodged up their ass, most members of the (semi)knowledgeable public also support the enforcement of such bans. After all, they have kids at home, and kids are at an impressionable age, and of course they really shouldn't be taught about how they got made in the first place. And that really bad (really really embarrassing) SEX talk, that most families avoid. Not that it has anything to do with the sort of deodorant their father might have used anyway.

To face facts, Body Odour is a big turn off anyway...and deodorants have every right to be sexy. And there will always be government employees, with fancy sounding titles and designations, and characteristically, if not eponymously little work to be done.

Other than staring at overtly sexual ads for personal grooming products. And shaking their heads at a pair of boobs or legs, and going tch tch. And deciding that deodorants truly are the work of the devil.

And wondering about why they never got any, back in their time...

Mess-o-nomics

Now this thread was started off by an extremely friendly mess server at lunch today. While his friendliness was only surpassed by his garrulity, he did raise some very interesting points, on the economics of that lifeblood of engineering colleges everywhere, the mess. See, running a mess, on a day to day basis, is now fast becoming, economically unfeasible.

Now it may come as a surprise to you, but most mess workers are poor. Not in the BPL, <2200 kcal a day poor, but seriously, money wise, destitute. This is because the scope of earning any real money as a mess worker is severely limited. But, what is even more interesting is how the government now, is making a mess The calculation is a simple one. Now, the average mess charge for each student comes out to be around 1700 a month, for my mess. Which means, for an average of 100 people eating in that mess daily, the folks running the mess would be able to earn 170000 rupees a month. Now I think around 30% of that would be overhead and salary, and 2% profit, with the remaining 68% going into sourcing food, dishes, taxes(maybe), etc. So it's the 30% that we are concerned with anyhow.

30% works out to be around 51000 a month. And while mess workers are paid differently, according to a very complex hierarchy, we can assume two salary bands, one for the people who actually cook the food, and the other for the servers/cleaners etc. Lets assume that the people in the lower band earn 40% less than those in the higher band. That would leave 31,875 rupees for the higher paid workers, and 19,125 for the lower paid workers. Now there are about 5 workers responsible for cooking the food, and around 6 responsible for the cleaning and serving.

And this means, that while the maharajs or those cooking the food earn a fairly decent salary of 6,500 rupees a month, those responsible for the cleaning and menial chores, earn only 3,175. This would have been okay, except for the MNREGA, which gurantees employment to every individual, at Rs 120 a day, for 100 days. This works out to be 12000 for the entire period, or 3600 a month. Following this, many states have decided to increase their minimum salary requirements, and in those states the price of manual labour may reach 200 for a day's work. Which is an astronomical 6000 a month.

This means, that although the effort required is much less, there is a significant decrease in interest in mess labour. Most workers look at the money first, and work later, and as such, feel there is much more reward to be had in hard core manual labour. This results in a considerable shortage in mess labour, which, paradoxically reduces the profits of the mess, as it results in an increase in the diet charge, which in turn results in a reduction in consumers.

Another factor which has a direct impact on the mess is inflation. And while the diet charge cannot be increased beyond a particular limit, there is no such boundary for the price of vegetables. And although potatoes are the staple for all such messes, the ravages of untrammeled inflation have not left this vegetable untouched either.

This in turn results in the messes of our hostels turning unprofitable, which means there is now a real danger of a famine ripping across academia, which also means that students might suffer from debilitating hunger soon, with no solution in sight.

Not from a lack of food, food is still being produced, stored improperly in silos, and rotting away. Not from lack of food.

But from the lack of people to cook it for us.

On Writing

It may come as a shock to you, as it did to me, that most of the highest rated movies, on IMDb and elsewhere, have been written by one person. And have been dramatic shifts from that one man's staple writing genre. Maybe its the contrast that makes his shifts so successful, or maybe its an art that only manifests in a particular kind of novel. Whatever it is, this one man has contributed so significantly to popular culture in modern times that it is almost unimaginable to think that people might not know his name. But, then again, most don't. But most know the movies, some even know of the books on which they are based.

You see, I have read a not inconsiderable number of book in my rather short but significant life. And one name has cropped up very often. Stephen King. And while some people mistake him for Stephen Hawking(yeah, that physics guy in a wheelchair), it cannot be doubted that he is probably the most influential writer of modern times.

What has to be respected is that he is primarily a horror genre specialist. Of all of his books, 95% have been horror novels. His best, and probably most well known body of work, however, is from the remaining 5%. This is weird, because he is most definitely NOT a bad horror writer. It's just that when he finally manages to write about something other than blood curdling nonsensical zombie tales, his stories become, almost sublime. Here's a list, of my top rated Stephen King books of all time. Most of these books would be already familiar to you, but not as books. I, never got to see most of the spun off movies, and I didn't want to either, for fear of them not matching up to the book. Anyway, here goes:

1)Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption
2)Dreamcatcher
3)The Green Mile
4)Pet Sematary
5)The Shining

The best short story, which I have not had the pleasure of reading, is one called Quitters Inc., which was later adapted, albeit loosely, into a movie directed by Anurag Kashyap, called No Smoking. And yes, the movie was pure nonsense. But it was the best sort of nonsense there is.

Entertaining.

How Powerless Are You?

The Indian Government's ambitious UID project has stalled. And no one would admit it if you asked them. A universal ID system is not only difficult in a country like India, it is next to impossible. This is why significant power, responsibility and sums of money have been given to the one man Nandan Nilekani, who can make it happen.

Except that he hasn't.

And because none of what he had promised has in fact turned out the way he wanted it to be, he has introduced a new scheme, called Aadhar, which on paper is brilliant. Aadhar is akin to a Social Security number, is completely voluntary, and is biometrically verified. And what this translates into, is that anyone, irrespective of whether or not they have a birth certificate or passport or residence, can have his own means of identification. This is a boon for the lower level working class of India, who have no access to any documents of any sort. This means they can now avail of banking, telephony and other services, with a simple card, issued once in their name.

Since it is biometrically verified, an Aadhar Card cannot be forged or stolen. It can also be issued at source, as all that needs to be checked are the person's fingerprints, photograph and name. If these are not present in the national database, they are then added, and the applicant becomes a bonafide recipient of an Aadhar card. All of this is so brilliant, that already, 4.3 million people are beneficiaries of the Aadhar cards, with half of them coming from Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka, home to lots of very poor farmers, and very rich software engineers. Future plans are very smart also, and include such niceties as mini ATMs, akin to a recharge shop associated with no frills bank accounts.

Except that none of this addresses the real issue. India is a country of over a billion people. Barely 1% have got any sort of UID or Aadhar card. Andd even after they do, if they do at all(it took 3 years for 1%, maybe another decade for 100%)...the question still remains, how do they decide their own fate.

The poor in India have very little power over their lives you see. The men governing them play on a chessboard too big for any individual to see. Most are restricted to the view of one square. A few can see a few moves ahead. But issuing a card, identification, and validity to Indians does not guarantee them what it should, power over their own lives.

It does not guarantee them what should have been guaranteed first and foremost in a democracy. It does not guarantee them Universal Suffrage.