Thursday, 24 June 2010

Maoists, and Recalcitrant Racism

It may have been popularized by Mao Zedong in the 1950s, but the quote most widely attributed to him has now found the most widespread appraisal in a little known belt of rural homes in East India. “Political power flows from the barrel of a gun” was how it was roughly translated from Chinese, but as everyone who has ever been to Chennai knows…there’s always something lost in translation.
What Mao really meant, and it might sound a bit farfetched but hear me out anyway…was that the only way you can give a bunch of hungry naked people any closure is by giving them a few guns, telling them to blow people’s heads off, and congratulating them as freedom fighters. And where the system fails, is when…you guessed it, they’ve run out of people to shoot. Or alternatively, when the Maoists finally gain power they only dreamed of, sleeping under a banyan tree. Because an idiot under a banyan tree is just an idiot, until you give him a gun. At which point he becomes either a terrorist, or a freedom fighter, or a Maoist…or blows his brains out.
And just like that integral involving all sorts of improper trigonometric terms that you never really cared about anyway…this problem is, in a nutshell, unsolveable. The only way to make a Maoist happy is to give him a gun, and a 100 acre piece of land in which to farm, herd and then shoot people. And, pusillanimous as our government might be, it sure as hell isn’t stupid…okay so maybe it is. Confucius said that anyone who uses a cannon to kill a mosquito is fucking retarded. What Confucius didn’t know was that the Indian government had never heard of him…and was in general not really inclined to take the Chinkies for face value. So, the only thing left to do was to send in the army…which sent out radio messages, posters, TV airtime and newspaper articles describing exactly the strength of the battalions, the guns they were using, and even the brand of underwear they would be wearing on the day they were going to have an encounter.
And result of said encounter? Nine Maoists get killed. Yes, In an area where Maoists recruit by the hundred, or mybe the thousand. In a country, where people are discriminated against by the shade of brown their skin is, Maoists, Leninists, hell even Rapists will find enough people to join their cabal. Yes, because we have not found, and maybe will never find an effective solution to the biggest terrorist threat facing our country today, that of the pissed off Maoist.

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