Thursday, 26 August 2010

Deranged Dogma...and NO its not rabies that you have...

Well the great thing about living in a college in Varanasi for the greater part fo the year is that you find absolutely no shortage of nihilists only too willing to tell you what exactly yo ushould do in your rather unfulfilling life. Yes...we have all sorts in our college..and plenty of really irritating redheads with 32 yellow teeth flashing after every comma or fullstop in their version of a funny sentence. And by plenty I mean ONE. YOU know who you are...carrot top...

So..what do you do when your views/intellect/intelligence(yes they are not the same)...are narrower than the gullys of this godforsaken city? You do what any normal person would do...Pretend that you are the only one with an opinion worth listening to, and well pretend your cochlea is shot whenever anyone dares to oppose you. WHich no one would...of course..because they fear your wrath..and..you know the rest.

In truth..to be anyone with an opinion, you should have the one quality that most idiots, and most successful people have in common...resilience. Now unlike most stupid Materials Science professors would have you believe, resilience is not a product of stress and strain halved...no its something much bigger than that. Resilience is the sort of thing that allows you to say Fuck You Asshole...to anyone who might raise their little finger in opposition to you...and do something a bit more hideous to anyone raising any other fingers...

Anyway..its the place in the post that you skip to anyway...(sigh)..well here it is..the list...again
what you could do if you are pigheaded...stupid...retarded..or various percentages of the above..

1.Kill dissenters. Yeah..it works. You could adopt a ball instead. Its much more amiable, and wont ever talk back to you. And also pretend those songs in your head are from your imaginary iPod...

2.Run for election from ANY constituency in Jharkhand...it should do wonders for your self confidence..and be sure to complete step 1 first.

3.Join my department. We ave plenty of pigheads here..one more would be welcome.

4.Laugh at everything...yes...everything..Say something incomprehensible first...for added effect..

5.Just refuse to listen to reason...Sing Lady GAGA songs at anyone who might stop by to offer you some..

Yeah...I would have written a Pighead Egoist Manual for Dummies...but then again...that would just defeat the purpose...

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

The Economics of Skullduggery

One of my favourite topics of all time has been money, and its chief function..to differentiate the rich from the poor. Now, and this might sound simplistic, my all important question is Why are some people rich…and others poor? The answer..is again simple enough, because the rich have more money. Now, don’t tell me to fuck off…because I’m going somewhere interesting with this. See, what made the rich rich and the poor poor was where they started out, and what they started out as. See, in India, after 1947, we started out as a rather poor socialist economy. Implies that, everyone poor. The US, started out as in 1776 a rather rich socialist economy, being the beneficiary of a solicitous treaty signed by the British, and having won, rather indefatigably, a really pointless war . Implies that, everyone rich. What happened after that was anyone’s guess, but mine is that the US adopted a capitalist economy in order to make everyone rich. Whereas in India, there were completely different reasons.

See, people who make the policies in India, were sick and tired of the general poverty in this country. They disliked the Hindu rate of growth, and the fact that the rich people were old money…the landlords, anglo-indians, merchants, British-ass kissers. They decided to remove all of that…and create a new rich, coupled with the new poor. The only reason why the rich are rich…is because the poor are poor. Now, India cannot be a rich country. Simply because the resources are limited, and the weather is shit(ergo, shit agriculture). So, the idea was…Lets make the rich richer…and the poor fucking people wont know the difference. Whereas, the idea in the US was, let’s make the rich richer, and the poor would cheer for us…because it would be their dream someday…to be just as rich. See, it worked in India, a lot better than it has worked in the US, because stupidity is much easier to manipulate than idealism.

And why the rich are…well..rich, is because they have money…but not the sort of money that you would expect. The rich now, are not about who has the most gold coins, or the most silverware, or the biggest diamond chandelier. It could have been the case, but it is just not so. The rich, have money…and what is money? Its just worthless paper, with a really shiny strip and some fancy lettering. What gives your money any value, is the number of notes in circulation. A 500 rupee note is 50 times more valuable than a 10 rupee note, because you would need to print 50 ten rupee notes just to get there. And notes are not like coins. It would be great if they were, because coins are valuable. A ten rupee coin..yes, the new one…is made of metal worth ten rupees, and since metal has some intrinsic value, judged by how much of it is found on the planet..you can say that the government may as well turn out gold, silver and platinum coins. Why doesn’t it? It sure as hell ain’t because the government is parsimonious. Nope, the government just doesn’t want the gold and silver miners of the world to become millionaires overnight. You see, what it wants, is plain and simple control…over the money supply, which gives them control over your soul, and you family’s collective souls. Yes…there is just one God. And its called money.

The rich, can therefore, only be rich, if someone else has less money than them viz. if someone else is poor. Because, the number of notes printed and in circulation is constant. Equal to the amount of wealth generated by the country as a whole. The per capita wealth can only be skewed in anyone’s favour, if it leaves someone else in short shrift. Take Anil Ambani, or Sunil Mittal, for instance…they are really rich, only because there are a billion poor people willing to recharge their phones and pay an exorbitant 14% as service charge for that privilege. Inflation, only happens because there’s way too much money in circulation, which is great news for anyone who has lots of money…but really bad for someone who needs to sell his goods for the same price every single day. So, he would raise his prices, as is only logical, as there’s so much more money to be had. But, then, everyone does the same. The wholesaler, supplier, importer. And very soon…we have a prices surge. Now I will write about that in my next blog…but here’s the thing. If someone on the street were to ask a really, mind numbingly candid rupee billionaire, “Sire, why on earth are you so stupidly rich you don’t know what to do with all your money?” And if he were honest…he would say:
“It’s because you’re so fucking poor.”

Monday, 9 August 2010

The Truth about Life

"Life is a bitch...and then you die" -Unknown Chinese Proverb

So, what do we do with our lives? We eat, sleep, shit, bathe, have fun...and utilise a few more verb words ub the English language. And thats it. A few make a difference, others just screw up...and wait for the end to come. What's the point? What's the meaning of this? Is life just about reading Word Power Made Easy...to learn how different a past participle is from a gerund...aand because of the misshapen notion that knowledge of the above fact could be vital to your clearing the CAT exam. And how the fuck do you test aptitude anyway?! Is it like...okay..this guy knows how to solve a quadratic equation...he must be SMART...

The whole of humankind, and mousekind, came up with the answer to that...in fiction at least...and it was...42. Yes, thats it. Not a fucking irrational number, like PI, now that would be a fucking good answer. Imagine it...Whats the answer to life?... PI...But it isn't, of course, and we aren't retarded...so lets get the show on the road..

I'm not presumptuous enough, to tell you the truth about life, or to even begin, I'm sure you must have guessed as much already. Whats important is that I really DONT need to. Because you probably have it all figured out for yourself. And why this is a success, despite its inevitable speciousness, is because no matter what, nobody would be able to convince you that what you know, indeed AINT SO...and you're a fucking moron. But then, everybody's in denial.

So where do we go with life? To the 421 million poor people in INdia? To say...let's do something for you...OR to the 20 million migrant labourers, with barely a roof over their heads?TO say...lets do something for you. No one does. And that, is the beauty of life. Abstraction. The Somebody Else's Problem. The ability to ignore whatever doesnt directly concern you. That's the new human nature. And hell, they should put it up on the walls...this is your life...blatantly disregard anyone else.

But, and this is important. You shouldn't care. Because non conformism isn't taught in schools. And, well if you do begin to care about the beggars on the street, what the hell would it do for you? Would you get a job? Clear the CAT? Have a holiday in Mauritius?

Nope. And neither would 421 million other people...