Friday, 11 March 2011

(dis)United States of India

“To be paid..to do what you love, ain’t that the Dream?” –Jude Law, Road to Perdition

The Indian dream, in short, and to be rather brutal, is to emigrate. You see Indians are a lot better at EVERYTHING they do, when they are not in India. The greatest passion among most Indians, is unequivocally, to settle aborad. You hear it in the quavering voice of the fat aunty next door, when she informs you that her son has been accepted “to UK”, you hear it in the respectful tone of your parents when a family friend tells them that he has been placed at a company in Spain, you hear it in the envy of your friend’s voice, when he tells you that his roommate is going to Germany for the summer. But above all, the most unifying factor in India today is the reverence of that splendid nation, the US. People who have been there are US returned, which makes them equal, in most respects, to God. People who are from there, despite having the notable handicap of being Indian, are referred to as NRIs, and everyone knows they make the best husbands, and are filthy rich. People who are from there, are of course, Americans, and once again, we all know that they are simply fabulous.

We love Americans, because they are so much better than us. They look so much better than us. Our rather flawed concept of beautiful people, as being tall and fair, is perfectly matched by them. Even the so called African Americans( c’mon we’re cool…NEGRO) look beautiful, and while any girl unfortunate enough to be born with a dark skin tone here is ostracized, black Americans are considered, well rather sexy here. And come on, they make the best TV shows, period. Friends, 24, Heroes…soo much better than the shit they show here. And they get soo much more action than we do, they’re practically more experienced at 15 than we are at 39. And well, they are jus soo much richer, drive such better cars than we do, have so much better lifestyles than us, soo much more glamorous. We can’t help but be seduced by their wealth and power and influence and white skin.

And in a country where the Marathis hate the Biharis, the Kannads can’t stand the Punjabis, the Assamese get irritated by the mere mention of the Rajasthanis, we welcome with open arms the Americans. From Alabama or California, we don’t care. Black or White, who gives a shit. And while gay and lesbian people here are mentally unstable or even criminally insane, Americans are Americans…chalta hai…. A pregnant 16 year old girl is a slut, a witch and a whore, if she’s Indian. If she’s American, she’s cute, and liable to be the female lead in a really sweet movie. We are a country divided by language, culture, and employment issues. And united in our admiration for America.
The most brilliant Indian economists might wax lyrical about the Indian economy, and be branded a biased, myopic fascist for his troubles. But when Barack Obama says it, our ego troubles are assuaged. People give more weight to the words of the president of a country facing the worst economic crisis of its recent history, than to the words of our own Finance Minister. Because while our netas are corrupt, their netas are upright, and he’s even won a Nobel Prize for gods sake.. must be legit.

People fail to realize that not all American universities are better than ours, not all Americans are better than us. We have substance in our country. The Americans now have nothing, but brash attitudes and billionaires. The great Indian dream should not be to go abroad. The Great Indian dream should be to do, what you love…

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