Friday, 11 November 2011

Of Rockstars and Recovered Recalcitrance

"Little Oona's hopelessly in love with little Oona" -Jerome David Salinger (I just haave to start with an obfuscate quotation) The whole point of being a rockstar is, and most people manage to leave this point out entirely while creating their own definition, the ability to rock. I mean, ffs, Charlie Chaplin was popular, had an extremely brilliant screen persona, was good looking (at least to Oona O'Neill anyway), but you wouldn't even in an LSD induced hallucination call him a rockstar would you... The strange thing about this whole concept is not that Oona O'Neill, who dated JD Salinger in her youth(and heyday) and then went on to marry Charlie Chaplin. No, the strange thing about this is the movie Rockstar, which brazenly shows the finger to anything remotely related to rock or stars for that matter. And while the likes of Kurt Cobain might have just picked up a guitar after a short lived fling and proceeded to make rock history on just two barre chords, the idea of Ranbir Kapoor doing the same is a slightly less believable one. As this is not a movie review, but a movie rape/massacre, I will lay down my jibes in a well thoought out, intelligently constructed list form.

1. Rockstars are meant to be able to play the guitar, not grip the F#, Bm chords alternately in various poses, with expressions ranging all the way from angry to frustrated, throw down hapless and apoplectic in between.

2. Good looking girls are all well and good, but unless we are watching a porn movie, we want them to be able to act. Oh, wait, the same is true even for a porn movie.

3. Most people, and I know Indian cinema is unrealistic, would find better lyrics to express their frustration than shouting out Sadda Haq twenty times to people going "Whaaa..??"

4. Why does the guy in the poster look like Salman Khan, anyway? Oh,and that's less than impressive photoshop work, although I've seen worse for rockstar ads. Also, the fonts almost made me believe that this movie was made in china.

5. Even by the rock bottom standards of Bollywood, anyone who has seen Rock On and liked it(that includes the entire sane population of India) would find this movie a waste of time and worse. Someone should tie Imtiaz Ali to a chair, put sellotape over his eyelids and get him to watch Rock On.

The best part is, most people would actually like the movie, and I'm pretty sure it will do fairly well at the box office and whatnot. Not because people like rockstars, most people wouldn't know a rockstar if it fell out of the sky and landed on their heads. No, because people like hot girls and Ranbir Kapoor. But then, that's why movies get made in our country anyway. If only we didn't have a stupid censor board, we would have made the best porn in the world.

4 comments:

  1. Although I don't know who the hell is 'Imtiaz whatever', I like this post.

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  2. After reading this review,Ranbir fans wil think twice b4 idolising him anymore in future.

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