Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Like Crocodile, but not spelt that way

So, after the launch of the Agni 5 which, rather predictably, failed to create any major ripples in the international militaristic scene, we can rest safely knowing that if perchance China were to destroy all of our major cities we would be able to defend ourselves by blowing up the least important part of Beijing. Indeed, so apathetic were the Chinese, that in their nonchalance they remarked that the ballistic missile might not even reach its intended target and might blow up somewhere over Tibet, which would give the Dalai Lama a bit of respite... no doubt. The Americans seemed happy though, and are very content to let the bleddy Injuns and the bleddy Chinks blow themselves up while they go about prospecting for oil. However, there is still that North Korea hassle that sticks up rather persistently like a sore thumb. You see, the other side of Korea (rather imaginatively named the South) is a rather favourite ally of the Yanks. They make their iPods, their iPads and their other tidbits of inspired engineering available to the unwashed masses. And they seem to have a healthy disrespect for patent infringement lawsuits.

Blowing up South Korea then, would be a severe inconvenience for the Americans. And rather like in the movie Battleship (or Jungi Jahaj, depending upon where you watched the damn thing) the Americans, with all their naval firepower would be rather powerless to stop it. So while North Korea drew severe reproofs for testing some sad ballistic missile, the Injuns got a pat on the back, and a thumbs up, and a promise of some saltwater taffy and retrofitted fighter jets. However, and it must be of severe concern this, our defence budget has remained a rather stationary 2% or thereabouts of GDP. This while it seems impressive, really does not equip us to go into battle with China. The Chinks have seen their defence budget grow to 2.5% of their GDP, which in turn is growing at a phenomenally underwhelming rate.

You see, Hu Jintao, before stepping down addressed a General Body Meeting of the Chinks, and rather regretfully informed them that under global pressure, and due to a shift in emphasis to infrastructure growth, the economy would grow at a rather laggard 7.5%. Our own finance minister responded with an emphatic bout of fist pumping and a middle finger to assembled journalists. Keep in mind though, that the Chinks usually release figures adjusted to a minimum, whereas we tend to squeeze every last drop out of a positive statistic. In the end, we have been rather unfortunately relegated to a position where our maximum growth rate(in ANY field) is almost(but not quite) equivalent to the Chinky minimum growth rate.

And while creative manipulation (yes..I shall cover this in another blog) does allow us to stay at the forefront of the GDP charts, our joy must be shortlived. For we cannot be as myopic as not to see the creative crocodile snapping at our heels, and waiting to get at us..


  1. Though it is an accepted fact that India is the underdog when it comes to figures,I don't think Chinese aren't rattled by Agni V. IBN reported the chinese saying that Indians were playing down the missile range to 5K kms when actually it could go upto 8K.

  2. This is laugh-out-loud funny!


    PS: Sorry for the bad "Google name".