Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Intramural Schadenfreude and what to avoid in posts on Facebook

"And fools who came to scoff...stayed to pray" -Ammonia Avenue, Alan Parsons Project(I kinda forgot the original source)

Well its about time i wrote a wide ranging blog. And since my scope is open to the extremely wide range of the tea shop outside my hostel, a certain hyderabad gate and that black bull outside the auspices of the highly inauspicious fruit stall that I frequent, I have decided to write on the almost infinite scope of the new favorite American and/or Indian pastime (yes, taking over from sex and meaningless blog writing) FACEBOOKING...

But first, a bit of elaboration on the title. Now for those of you who find my titles rather chic and discretely humorous, I would suggest you see a shrink, but for those of you who, rather disdainfully find my titles obfuscate, or at best perfidiously prevaricated, this is your day..oh joy... Well, most of the facebook retaliations that I am going to talk about come from the sort of schadenfreude that is to be expected among people who don't really like each other much. Now this usually comes from the sort of people, who might be in your branch(like the total dickheads in mine), your lobby, your city...or bear no relation to you at all(yes, I like to call that the random burn, and it IS the best kind). Now don't be mistaken, schadenfreude isn't the name of some late German shrink who could convince you that you wanted to kill your father...and other disturbing stuff...no its about a sort of malicious enjoyment of someone else's grief. Of course, this doesn't always happen if you don't like someone. It's what our ceramics sciences prof would call: necessary but not sufficient. Yes, I don't like his classes very much, either. Coming back to the point of course, now that you know what stupidity is, and oh yeah, what schaden...etc etc is too, you can look up the other few words on google. Or if you already knew what these words were and are now cursing me for being an utter and complete waste of internet surfing time, fuck you, and go watch your stupid porno..

But seriously, I am going to cease meandering, and come directly to the point. For those of you experienced enough at facebooking to avoid the potential landmines that you might encounter every day, good for you. However, I am going to be writing a rather extensive list on what the hell you should AVOID, on facebook anyway...

1. Stupidity. If someone makes a stupid, utterly brainless comment on a post that you just happen to have liked or commented upon, do what you do to Shoaib-Sania news stories these days, IGNORE IT. Telling someone his comment is precociously stupid is precisely like telling a drunk he has an alcohol problem. The best reaction you can hope for is a "HUH??" and the worst is a prolonged fight ending with the both of you on the floor together clutching each other like lovers.

2.Religion. Lets leave religious semantics to the priests and the old people in your colony, shall we? You don't know the R of religion, so don't go about spouting nonsense that you have no idea about. Also, you might not know this, but religion is, what we like to call, a slightly INFLAMMATORY topic. So, please just let it be.

3. Terrorism. Now one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter, and the third man's late realisation. Avoid commenting on posts that portray people as terrorists...for all you know, it could just be a ruse by the terrorists to get your home address...okay, maybe not, but don't do it anyway.

4.That weird status message that some girl put up last night thats now got 43 likes but doesn't make any sense. If you DONT get it..just like it. Pretty girls live in denial....

5.Any link to ANY page with the word fuck in it. Trust me,its not worth it...even though you might hate pakistan, or islam, or pink fluffy bunnies...its soo not worth it...

Yes..thats it. And keep facebooking/social netwroking please. Its exactly the sort of thing that will make cars, parents or education redundant 30 years from now...

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