Saturday, 13 February 2010

The easiest topic to write on V-DAY, an essay against it...

"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." -Saint Augustine

This is probably the easiest piece to write on the eve of Valentine's Day, the day after the banning of all things red in Saudi Arabia. In fact, it is just so easy to write a disparaging piece about the so called moral police in the gulf nations, the way that people aren't allowed to have sex with their clothes off( where do I come up with this stuff?! read on...) and of course, the rose growers of Kenya... the who, you ask? Shame on you.

So I have decided NOT to write it. Yes, no angry piece about the upholders of the supreme Indian virtues. No epistles to the moral police of our country. No angry rant about the hitherto dormant political party uprising to quash the extremely immoral Western celebration of carnality which is Valentines Day. No, for once I would like to take the side of the conservative, rather than contemporary. Oh, yes I am one of the saffron brigade, one of the bastions of morality of this country, the paradigm of chastity.So let's begin.

For starters, Valentines day is a western(very bad)tradition. Oh yes, those corrupt western people, want to only fill our mind with filth, dirtiness and incongruous thought about devious lechery. Western people are really baad... just in the same way that a Jew during his train ride to Nuremberg would call a German- really bad... And Valentines day is just another disgusting habit that we Indians have picked up from these western people, just like dustbins and toilet paper. We should get rid of it immediately. And in order to expedite the process, I suggest beating young girls as they exit pubs. Yes in order to make society a better place you sometimes have to break laws. And obviously, violence is the best answer to everything that exudes non-conformity. After all, wasn't it Mao who said, true power comes from the barrel of a gun. Him, and Gandhi are the two greatest national leaders of this century.

Also, I am a firm believer in the fact that couples can ONLY get together during valentines day. After all, wouldn't their parents strongly police them and curfew their movements. After all, isn't right to freedom one of our fundamental constitutional rights?! The freedom to stop perfectly sane adults from meeting, or WORSE, getting caught in "compromising positions"... Hmm, yes, I totally believe in the moral policing of society by the general public. After all, we do need SOME members of the public to stand up, and stop this western(really evil) menace haunting our country.

And of course, once such couples are caught, it only makes sense for them to be married, or declared brother and sister. After all, isn't the love for a boyfriend, or a girlfriend similar to that of a sibling? I ask you, don't people who hang out in malls together deserve to spend the rest of their lives with each other?!!

NO? Well then, I am afraid you are a western(the worst sort of bad) Sympathiser. I should just rip your eyes out, and pour molten lead in your ears. Oh, yes and you are a really evil person, a worshiper of Satan, and an adulterer, promiscuous and vile. SCREW YOU devil worshiper. You western(I've had it with this SHIT) pig!! I will NEVER celebrate the vile Valentines day, because I am a TRUE hindu. Oh yeah, also, I couldn't find a date. If you're a girl could you please call me?


  1. Yes..just to clarify.. I was being sarcastic about the "if you're a girl, please call me" waala part. Don't get any ideas, just clarifying my position...

  2. this is like paying homage to sarcasm . \m/