Monday, 15 February 2010

Fun starts with an F

Now the use of the F word has become very proliferous, and quite necessary, in the modern usage of english in these times. Yes, you can only express your feelings properly in a sentence if that sentence conatins a generous helping of fuck, shit, crap, and what not... A simply said fuck, could signify such a wide range of emotions that it is simply indispensable in a sentence, and I haven't even got to the adverbs yet, fucking, fuckable, fucked up, fugly, foobar, among others. AS a result you would find some people who double the length of their sentences( or even triple them simply by the use of the word fuck), not recommended for essays and doctoral theses writing however. And this brings me, quite conveniently on to the topic for today's post( no more of that devious circumlocuting I'm afraid :P).

What DO you do when you are faced with a rather scary possibility? Company. Or more accurately, FEMALE company. Or even more accurately, female who thinks you are a jerk company. Hitherto, the usage of fuck in your sentences was a rather acceptable social quirk, in some circles, even a norm. However your plebian language would result in aforesaid female company calling you a jerk to your face, throwing a glass of that really expensive whisky on your face, and in general, a LOT of embarassment to you(understatement). Well, if you are reading this blog hoping I have an irrefutable solution, read on...if not, fuck off. Err...sorry...F OFF. Anyway, here are my solutions:

1.Fish. Yes, the primary ingredient of sushi, and the mainstay of Greenpeace, would of course be first to serve your literary needs. Classy, yet arrogant, an OH FISH, says it all.
Not Recommended for direct abuse, viz. Fish off, doesn't really have the same gusto, does it.

2.Frog. Those disgusting reptiles can make a pretty good derogatory term as well. Oh yes, the next time you say flying frog, put a bit of twang into it, and they'll know exactly what you meant.

3.Fudge. The delicious dessert, makes for an excellent expletive, (and alliteration as a literary gimmick is reserved for another blog).

4.FCUK. The t-shirt emblazoned word is for all purposes, the most thinly disguised. Also, don't use this on a retard, you know, the kind that would ask you, "How is that pronounced?"

5.Fun. Get lucky time, isn't it. Naughty America has every idea of what they're talking about when they tell you to have fun!!

So, i guess I'll be on my way then. And you can thank me for saving you from public humiliation and degradation a bit later. And the next time you eavesdrop on someone saying they had fun, make sure to shoot them a dirty look, that says Fudge off, fcuker. Happy Reading!!


  1. Or you can use fork (Italian man goes to malta)

  2. i tell him i wanna de fork..he say..every body wanna fork.. :D

  3. fuck man!!.. uh sorry.. i mean... frog man!! this is awesome stuff.. probably the funniest of all the posts i have read so far.. and yeah, by all the posts i mean all the posts by anyone not just you... and btw.. i love the header for this post too.. keep it coming man..